When I first started on Spark in March ’09, I had no idea what I had to do to get healthier.
Ok that’s a lie. I knew, I just hadn’t found the courage yet.
I know this because that January, I had used my gift certificates not to buy books, but workout dvd’s. Well, OK, SOME books, but I still bought 2 Jillian Michaels’ and a yoga (that I still haven’t used )
The JM’s sat on my dvd shelf for 2 months before I finally got up the courage one day while talking to my MIL on chat to ask for help. She told me about Spark, and that she just joined. I immediately opened a new page and signed up. Then I looked at the JM’s sitting on my shelf, I took out Banish Fat Boost Metabolism, and put it in the player. First thing I noticed was that I needed better shoes and a better bra for this. I rummaged around in my drawer and found an over the shoulder bolder holder that made sure the girls couldn’t move in, and that worked for a while. And when I went back to try the dvd again, I noticed that I couldn’t do half of the exercises the way Jillian and the girls did them. But I was not discouraged. I couldn’t even do a jumping jack. I just waved my arms up and down and legs around-must have looked pretty silly.
But I had a goal. I wanted to still be alive for my son. (No, I didn’t have any pressing health problems, but i knew they were on their way. My dr kept checking my blood sugar levels every time I went in) I also wanted to get below 200. 199 was my goal. that’s about 50 pounds, but I’m not really sure what I weighed on that first day. I didn’t get a scale for about 2 months-there’s some courage for you. Go buy a scale, when you’ve never owned one before.
I also wanted to never feel like a bull in a china shop again. I hate that feeling, where you are trying to move around in a place that is too small for you. Alice in Wonderland and the “Eat Me” cookie. Thanks, cookie. You are always bumping into someone or something because you never really realize how big you actually are. Well, it came to me one day that it was like I was surrounded by a force shield and couldn’t see it, but it affected anything that it came in contact with.
Back to Jillian. I did her workout as much as possible. I got better at somethings and celebrated when I could finally do 5 jj’s in a row! Then when I did my first scissor kick, OMG I was so happy. Then I got bored with it and did some taebo, but couldn’t get into it.
My brother started talking about P90X that he used, but didn’t like that much, so I begged and pleaded and he gave me his! Again, it was SO SO SO hard, but I didn’t give up. I started with no weights and went up from there in tiny increments. I didn’t follow the food plan, I just tried to eat better than I had been. I gave up baking, mostly, since I taste tested a lot of when left my kitchen. I gave up fast foods (except for the occasional Mama Burger from A&W). I gave up Diet Pepsi, I gave up all drinks except water. I gave up chips and dip and popcorn, and bread.
I started eating more fruits and veggies (fresh and raw if I could get them), lean meats like chicken, turkey, good grains like rice and corn (in its original format). Water. Recently coconut oil and chia seeds as well. Protein powder. water water water.
Eat well 80% of the time. leave the other 20% for the times where there’s cake involved, or the only thing around for miles is that burger joint and you are shakey you are so hungry, or you just need to have a piece of s’mores, or nachos with cheese with company, or a dinner date with your one and only. Don’t beat yourself up over the 20%. If it doesn’t happen, fine, good for you. BUT if it does happen and that cake disappeared before you knew it (and you were the only one home), then don’t self-hate. Figure out the “Why” it happened, drink a lot of water, think about it some more, but spin it in a way to ask; “How do I let myself know that I don’t want this to happen again-how can I work it so next time xxxxx is in front of me, I’ll be moderate in what i do with it?” Don’t be thinking hate at yourself. You need YOU to work out the problem, not tear a strip off yourself about it. If you hate at yourself, you’ll find it harder to succeed. You can succeed, but your level of success (IMO) is based a lot on how you feel about yourself.
I love me for being all the things that I am. I love me enough to take the bad with the good. all my little quirks and talents. I love me enough to want to make my life better for me. my health better for me. My body better for me.
My stretch marks? Can’t hate them, I love them. they are my tiger’s stripes during my growing years. My mama wounds when I carried my son inside me.
My cellulite? can’t hate it. I love it-it’s something that happens to any/everybody, and it’s a sign that I need to work on my storage capabilities?
My nose? genetics, and I can’t afford a plastic surgeon. and it looks good on my mom.
My hair? thank you to stylists everywhere, I love the new colour!
freckles? origins depend on who you talk to. don’t ask my Uncle John or you’ll get into a conversation about ants and noses and poop…nuff said.
Muscles? I love LOVE these. Even when I can’t see them, I know they are there. I can feel them under my skin. I can feel them when they are flexed and when they are sore from DOMS! I love that feeling of ache that lets me know that I worked myself to the point of making new muscle tissue.
what this all comes down to is how much you love yourself.
so love you.
Personally, I think you’re fabulous!